Spread My Wings
by A-chama
Summary: Gazette RukixUruha. Love should be beautiful but sometimes it isn't.
1. Part 1

Spread My Wings:  
**Rating**: Overall NC- 17  
**Warnings**: EVIL!Ruki, suicide, abuse, rape,character death, cheating, insanity, yaoi( male/male) relationships  
**Pairings**: (Main Pairing) Ruki x Uruha, (one sided) Aoi x Uruha, (one sided) Kai x Aoi, OC x Uruha

A\N: Well, here you go… it's not the most recent thing I've written but I wanted to share some of my writing with you all… actually if you go on Live Journal you would find this story is already posted there in it's entirety.

Also in case you don't know and it wasn't obvious to you I don't own Gazette… this is just a story I imagined… and I wouldn't want it to actually happen U__U

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**Part 1**

It was always about pushing it to the limit, to see how much he could take before he finally went up and left. But he never went and left, Ruki thought bitterly. In some twisted part of Ruki's heart he loved Uruha of course, but at the same time Ruki couldn't help but despise Uruha, who was so tender and soft. Ruki hated the Uruha who never questioned or demanded anything.

It was too easy to be mean, too easy to be cruel. Pushing him roughly, Ruki always knew just the words to whisper, just the right thing to say to break Uruha's little heart. But Uruha always forgave him. Even if he was crying even if the pain was so severe he fell unconscious, he would always end up smiling as if he understood everything. Yes, Uruha always forgave the worst of insults and the worst of treatments. And Ruki couldn't help but hate Uruha more, and more with every fractured wrist and every pretty scar left on his skin.

Ruki, knew he should have just left Uruha. What they had wasn't healthy, if Uruha's drinking was any indication to the situation. But seeing those soft pleading eyes, looking at Ruki with such need, such impossible _love_ Ruki just couldn't bring himself to leave Uruha . . . though he often wished Uruha would finally see the light and leave _him_.

Ruki often laughed, laughed bitterly, when he thought of his relationship with Uruha . . . he just found it so funny, that no one had ever caught on . . . That they all believed implicitly when Ruki told them Uruha was sick in bed, or that he had been clumsy down the stairs . . . it made him laugh, they were all so naive . . . his foolish, foolish little band.

And in the end . . . he supposed he couldn't help but feel a small amount of regret. It wasn't as if Uruha was a bad person. If anything, he was the most beautiful addicting thing Ruki had ever owned. And Uruha was ever so forgiving . . . as though in his little delusional world Ruki could do no harm and all those bruises and cut lips were simply accidents or things cause by his own stupidity.

The way things had been going, Ruki never thought things would change. Uruha so complaisant and seemingly content in their strange parasitic routine. Yes . . . Ruki had never expected to find himself on top of that building, wondering for a single lucid moment . . . if it was really his fault that Uruha seemed so willing to jump off the building.

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The chapters of this story are pretty short I will admit... but if you review Ill update fast and so you won't notice it? XD

Then again maybe it's not worth updating.. it's up to you to decide.


	2. part 2

**Spread My Wings**  
**Rating**: Overall NC- 17  
**Warnings**: EVIL!Ruki, suicide, abuse, rape,character death, cheating, insanity, yaoi( male/male) relationships  
**Pairings**: (Main Pairing) Ruki x Uruha, (one sided) Aoi x Uruha, (one sided) Kai x Aoi, OC x Uruha

A/N For those who have just started to read this...please take the warnings seriously... I'm really not nice to either Uruha or Ruki... Or actually any of the Gaze-men U__U But Please enjoy the double update

**Part 2**

Uruha tiptoed to the very edge of the building as though he were walking on a circus tightrope. Finally stopping he spread his arms wide open reaching for the sky. Bringing his fingers together Uruha looked up at the spots of blue that filtered through them. Behind him he heard a collection of voices speaking unintelligibly . . . "I wonder . . . if I could ever touch the sky? If I jump . . . will I fly?" He whispered . . . though he didn't think anyone heard, the babbling behind him, unceasingly annoying.

He though he could hear sobbing too, yes he could almost recognize Kai's hysterical pleas, but eventually that noise subsided with a sigh. And Uruha couldn't help but wondered why there were such annoying background noises this close to the sky. Wasn't this place supposed to be peaceful, he thought? Dazed he moved closer to the edge. He wondered if the annoying noises that were still going on would stop when he was flying. All he wanted was the wind and that pure silence. Uruha was tired of all the noises, all the voices that never stopped shouting. It almost reminded him of those things . . . those dark things . . . _Ruki . . . _

NO! His thoughts shouted at him . . . Uruha didn't want to remember that dark thing that seemed to be hiding just past that door . . . Yes, think of something else his thoughts murmured. Then suddenly as if Uruha realized he was not where he was suppose to be, he trembled slightly. Why was he here Uruha thought? How had he gotten here he wondered?

His memories like a jumbled equation didn't seem to add up. But sighing, breathing in the air, Uruha realized he didn't care, this moment was more important then what had led to it. At least Uruha thought so . . . he couldn't remember what had led to this . . . this moment where he could be close to the sky.

And Uruha was vaguely aware of people . . . yes. He vaguely noticed Aoi at the corner of his eye and _Ruki_ . . . he could see Ruki . . . trying to approach him . . . but Uruha wasn't really scared they would come very close to him as if they were scared of the fact he wanted to jump, that he wanted to fly. He didn't really understand their fear though . . . what was so bad about his desire? It seemed more healthy then those past things . . . It suddenly seemed more healthy then _Ruki_ . . . though his muddled mind didn't really understand why . . .

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Poor Uruha...doesn't it show how much I love him U__U

Well...hopefully this is good enough to warrent the next chapter.

I updated it twice since I felt bad that it was such a short chapter


	3. Part 3

Spread My Wings:  
**Rating**: Overall NC- 17  
**Warnings**: EVIL!Ruki, suicide, abuse, rape,character death, cheating, insanity, yaoi( male/male) relationships  
**Pairings**: (Main Pairing) Ruki x Uruha, (one sided) Aoi x Uruha, (one sided) Kai x Aoi, OC x Uruha

**A/N **I guess I should mention it...now being as good a time as any other... I don't own the Gaze-men as much I would love to... Then again it's better that I don't....I don't know how long they'd survive the ownership XD

**Part 3**

~ two years ago ~

"Uruha . . . kneel down," Ruki whispered a cruel smirk on his features.

Uruha looked at him frowning. He didn't understand what Ruki was saying. Lately, he had to admit though . . . he didn't understand much of what was going on. It seemed like Ruki always found just another reason to yell at him, and while he tried to keep Ruki please, it seemed every day, harder to do so.

As though every loving touch and every soft word whispered and ever little favour Uruha did or said only made Ruki more angry rather then happy. And because he had never learned to cope with pain any other way Uruha got out his familiar and friendly bottles of sake.

And of course because he cared, or at least because Uruha imagined Ruki did, seeing Uruha get drunk so often only fueled Ruki's anger, but taking another swing of his bottle . . . Uruha saw there was no way he could change that . . . he so needed the sweet escape alcohol provided for him.

"Are you so drunk I need to repeat myself . . . ? Get on your knees," Ruki ordered more harshly. He had just gotten home from some random interview and found Uruha sitting at their kitchen table drinking, two empty bottles already lying on the counter, the only indication of how far he was gone.

"Why should I . . . I just want to drink, "Uruha replied. Though Ruki sometimes scared Uruha he had never hurt him, and he couldn't imagine his sweet little lover ever hurting him. After all, Ruki wasn't like that.

"When, I tell you to do something . . . " Ruki said approaching him, "You do it." As he said this, he pulled Uruha by the hair causing him to spill the bottle he held all over the floor as he tumbled there himself. Uruha said nothing and Ruki was silent, as the chair he had been sitting on crashed against the floor with a metallic sound.

"See . . . look at all this mess. This wouldn't have happened if you had just listened ne?" Ruki said, looking almost kindly.

Uruha said nothing only looking at him shocked, still feeling the tight grasp Ruki had, had on his hair. "Look at all this spilt alcohol, dirty fool. Lick it up. I don't want to see a single trace of it left... " Ruki ordered.

"What?!" Uruha finally got the nerve to say, Ruki had never acted like this before . . . he didn't understand, and he understood even less when he felt the first of Ruki's slaps across his face.

"I said, lick that up. You like your alcohol so much, you wouldn't want to waste it would you?" Ruki whispered in Uruha's ear, with a nasty smile as he pushed Uruha's face to the ground. "I won't let you go till the floor is spotless Uruha . . . so you might as well get started."

And Uruha could feel tears well up in his eyes as he tried to get away, but couldn't, Ruki leaning on him, his hand roughly pressing his head close to the floor. So close he could feel the liquid on the tip of his nose. Why was this happening Uruha wondered . . . what had he done wrong?

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Sometimes.... I wonder why I wrote haven't turned anyone...if anyone is going to read away from this U__U Enjoy it? And feelfree to comment...though I hope you won't totally trash this or anything...


	4. Part 4

**Spread My Wings**  
**Rating**: Overall NC- 17  
**Warnings**: EVIL!Ruki, suicide, abuse, rape,character death, cheating, insanity, yaoi( male/male) relationships  
**Pairings**: (Main Pairing) Ruki x Uruha, (one sided) Aoi x Uruha, (one sided) Kai x Aoi, OC x Uruha

**A/N**… well it only get's worse from here on out… But hopefully you'll still like the story.

**Part 4**

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Pushing Uruha's head closer to the alcoholic mess, he could feel Uruha start to tremble and a small sob escape his lips. And in this instance he felt more powerful then he ever been before. Yet . . . at the same time he couldn't help but be filled with a quiet horror. Was this really him forcing Uruha to lap up the mess like some kind of dog?

He hadn't thought he would push this so far. And, he had most CERTAINLY never thought Uruha would take it like this. He had always thought Uruha had more of a backbone then that. But the taller man was putty in his hands, doing almost anything he wished.

And, thinking of all this, he couldn't help but get angrier, why was Uruha still here? Why was he taking all this so silently, it annoyed him, Ruki wanted to shout, he wanted to hurt Uruha, maybe then he would get the point? Ruki knew he was poison.

"Well, get started," Ruki ordered again pushing Uruha's teary face right into the mess. Shaking with sobs Ruki allowed Uruha to rise his head a little, and with that it seemed Uruha had finally decided to obey Ruki's order and Ruki heard the sound of Uruha's tongue on the ceramic floor.

And hearing this, it only made Ruki angrier, as if Uruha had no right to be so wishy-washy, as if Uruha should have pushed Ruki off and gotten as far away from him as possible. Well, yes Uruha should have done that . . . but Ruki could see Uruha wouldn't. As though he was content to be servient so long as he could be near Ruki. And Ruki didn't feel flatter at all, if anything it only made him want to stain even more Uruha's pretty cheeks with tears and blood.

When Uruha finally finished lapping up the mess, he went to stand up, but Ruki decided he couldn't let things be like that. He was simply too angry. "I didn't say you could stand did I?" Ruki muttered frustrated, as he watched Uruha wipe the alcohol that was still on his face with his fingers and licking off, still crying, shocked. "I'll tell you when you can stand. Now, when I tell you to kneel you'll kneel, if I tell you to bend down, that's what you'll do and if I say you lick mess up with your tongue I don't want to hear a word from as you do it understand?" Ruki murmured savagely grasping Uruha hair to pull his face closer to him.

Trembling Uruha could do nothing but sob and nod. "QUIT SOBBING!" Ruki shouted, the sound of Uruha's tears having gotten so horrid to Ruki's ears that he could help but slap him across the face again and again as Uruha's sobs got louder. And Ruki just couldn't stop till Uruha's cheeks were a bright red and finally Uruha had stopped his loud sobs, as if he were numbed from the shock or the pain.

Looking at Uruha's glazed look contorted in a mixture of fear and pain, Ruki couldn't help but feel a twinge of regret . . . he had caused this . . . he had really just done all this. Didn't he love Uruha? Of course he did, he had never looked for anyone and he had never felt discontent. But why did he feel the need to hurt him then?

He didn't understand why he had done this. Ruki suddenly wished he could take back those angry words, those angry thoughts, those angry actions. And pulling Uruha into a gentle hug, his anger finally calmed; he whispered words of love and apologized. But . . . in his secret heart . . .

Ruki wondered . . . if he really meant it.

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Sadly Ruki only get's worse and not better. Hence why the warning about Ruki's evilness... but please believe me when I say I don't actually think Ruki would EVER act like this in real life!


	5. Part5

**Spread My Wings**

**Rating**: Overall NC- 17  
**Warnings**: EVIL!Ruki, suicide, abuse, rape,character death, cheating, insanity, yaoi( male/male) relationships  
**Pairings**: (Main Pairing) Ruki x Uruha, (one sided) Aoi x Uruha, (one sided) Kai x Aoi, OC x UruhaA/N

**A/N:** Well...here is the next part XD At least I update pretty fast ne? I would like to give a big thanks to XxXMiyavisHeartXxX who's been reviewing this... at least it tells me someones reading and enjoying this. Though...I guess it's understandable if people don't enjoy this much persay... since what happens in this story isnt really all fun and games U__U

**Part 5**

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It had been a few months already, and Uruha's life had already taken a steady pattern. He wouldn't have called it comfortable, but it was familiar and though he often felt as thought, maybe he should struggle against it . . . He couldn't, he really loved Ruki, as irrational as that seemed.

And besides, drunk the pain didn't seem so bad, in fact it seemed bearable as though Ruki isn't really hitting him but softly touching him, the way Uruha wished he would. And maybe it was all part of his delusion but Uruha really thought he could sometimes see in Ruki's eyes something akin to love and just that was enough for Uruha to forgive him anything.

And the day everything started had become a blur to Uruha, though he wasn't sure weather it was because of the shock or because he simply drank too much alcohol, however that day had become a blank, just another day among the several that followed.

What Uruha could remember is that, Ruki had been nice, and so gentle when they had first started being together. He had been so nice when slowly they had started bring things at each others apartments, and Uruha had never found an ounce of cruelty in Ruki when they had finally decided to move in together. Yes, Uruha for once had felt, he didn't really need to drink his nights away and that just being with Ruki was enough to keep him happy.

But then things had changed, subtly, so subtly Uruha hadn't even noticed at first, those little half-meant insults, the way Ruki had slowly distanced himself, had become more easily angered with him, though Uruha had always tired his best not to do anything that would anger him . . . No he hadn't thought much of that, he had sincerely thought it was his fault. Till of course, one day, that day Ruki snapped.

Finishing the laundry he took a good long sip of his sake, with the small secret hope that maybe he would pass out before Ruki came home. But, hearing the door open and shut loudly, he knew that wouldn't be the case. Ruki came in the bathroom, and eyed him hardly "You're drunk aren't you." Ruki stated eyeing the bottle in Uruha's hand, he never needed to ask anymore, when they had their days off Uruha always got drunk.

Uruha whimpered softly and nodded, he could never lie to Ruki. And when Ruki simply motioned for Uruha to put everything down and come towards him, it's with meek obedience that Uruha did. "What did I say? What did I tell you Uruha?" Ruki asked menacingly.

"That, I shouldn't drink so much . . . " he tried to mumble though it sounded more like an incoherent string of random words, his alcohol addled mind refusing to form proper sentences. And as always it was with a quiet desperation that he knelt in front of Ruki, the way Ruki always made him kneel to punish him. He almost didn't feel the first slap though he heard it, and tears had already started to fall before he felt the second and the third. "Why do you have to be such a pussy? Why do you have to be so weak?" Uruha heard Ruki murmur in his ear, as he grabbed at Uruha's hair harshly pulling their faces close together.

Uruha looked at Ruki in the eyes briefly as if trying to tell him something, then softly turned his head aside, as though, there was nothing he could say to prove Ruki otherwise. With a last slap that left a red imprint on Uruha's face Ruki walked away, shaking his head as though somehow, once again Uruha had failed.

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As per usual Ruki and Uruha don't have pleasent interactions.... and I'm sorry for those who hope it gets better...it really doesn't. Then again...Everything is forewarned. Hopefully you'll continue to read this story despite all that. And well review if you like ^^


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